About The Funk...

Observational Spittle from the mind of a man of color in his 40s, without the color added (most times). Come in, laugh, and you may learn something...

90 Things That Irritate The Sh** Out Of Me Trailer

Thursday, November 27, 2008

It's Black Thursday, didn't ya know?

So, my domain-inites, I was like, you know, enjoying a moist turkey today, which reminded me of this young lady back in the day...wait, never mind, got distracted as I was flipping channels with one hand, typing with the other (I know what you were thinking, sickos!) and passed by the video on demand channel...something about "Deep Throat 17: When broomsticks go missing", or something like that...

Anyway, let's move on!

So, I am at the in-laws, me and the childrens (yeah I said "childrens"...shut up!), and the lovely spouse/master of all as that I am unemployed, and I volunteered to feed the lil' one during the meal...the cutest of the cute, my nearly 3 year old son with the D-O-W-N Syndrome pimpology that makes him so cool and smooth with the ladies.

(Ya know, why is it that all parents with small children think that they're cute? I mean, isn't that the greatest bias in the universe? Hell, most folks agree that my sons are hot, but in some cultures they could be Bantha Fodder, ya know....geeks will get that joke...hopefully).

As I was feeding the child, a tall, lanky white male had the misfortune, it turns out, of sitting at the same table with me, the incredible, edible Negro and his Jungle Fever offspring. Now, I've encountered this individual at a previous family gathering, and well, he possesses the personality of your basic, well, KKK corpse buried in their best robes.

This individual earlier brushed off my little one, who is always friendly, and wanted to know who was this giant fellow. He basically said "get away", as if the child had the "Oreo Cooties."

So, as I happily enjoyed my "Dumbass Turkey didn't run fast enough" annual meal with my son (who was quietly enjoying his pureed vegetable and turkey), I looked up at my dinner companion, trying to at least get eye contact from the fellow. Unfortunately he stared at his food as if he was trying to contact the "I hate Darkies" coalition via telepathy, sucking down his brew and quickly eating his mashed potatoes.

Wait...I forgot...there was one more companion at the table...silly me!

Across from me was this adorable blond hair young lady, my guess about 2 or so, who continuously stared at me for the majority of my visit to my in-laws. At first, I tried to introduce myself, making jokes like "don't worry honey...the color doesn't come off and stain your clothes," referring to my beautiful skin tone. Of course, at this age, she didn't get my unique view of things, so she continued to stare at me.

I guess if I started to speak in Swahili, maybe my dark skin might have made more sense.

Anyway, back to the fine dinner companionship.

After this Herman Munster-looklike fellow hastily finished his meal, he went back into the kitchen for some seconds. Expecting another uncomfortable (for him, anyway; I currently couldn't give two toad shits) continuation of dinner, I continued to give my little one his food, while saying hello to the cute little blond girl, who continued observing me, putting my odd looks (at least in her obviously sheltered world) into her young computer mind, trying to see why I didn't have handcuffs on like the others like me she's seen on TV.

A few minutes had passed, and my son was at his "I don't want any more of this baby food shit" limit, and I noticed that my new "bestest-buddy" didn't return to the table. I couldn't recall if he went to the bathroom to pull the finger down the throat thing due to my presence, or he was on his way to plant a tree and get some strong, strong rope....you know, for a tire swing and all.

Then I noticed that his little girl (I hope y'all figured who blond-bombshell-in waiting was), who just walked by me, using my leg as a brace, while looking at me with that "what exactly are you" stare, went behind her father, who was standing in the kitchen...

Eating the seconds that he'd gathered before.

"Hmm," I thought to myself, "that's very odd indeed!"

Then I happened to glance at the calender (well, at least the one I am making up for this little bit of nonsense), and noticed the date.


It's Black Thursday!

That explains it all!

It's the day before Black Friday where, no, you don't save 50-70% on putting yourself in further debt, even tho, well, more debt is more debt...it's the day where ignorant, racist, probably looked at his sister and thought she was hot in her thongs, completely backwards-ass country fricks couldn't even sit down next to someone who didn't fit his idea of human and eat a meal.

And this was no in-law, even though at times I wonder if that is how they felt over the 12 years I've been with my lovely lady.

(Don't worry; I can at least discuss football with my brother-in-law....I have 2, and well since at this point they figured that my wife isn't going through a "Tootsie Roll Extra Large" phase, figured they should give me a chance).

As part of Black Thursday, if you look in your local paper, for every bit of ignorance you bring in, you get another generation where you mess up your kids to think JUST AS MORONIC AS YOU DO!

But, it only last for a generation....hurry in!

Wait, this "sale" never ends...it repeats itself...that's why it's an annual event!

Or, in my dinner companion's case, its an everyday occurrence.

Which is why he'll pass on the Black Thursday "ads" to his kids...

And they will, sadly, do the same with their kids.

And so on, and so on, and so on...


Tug said...

White people suck.

You should have told the KKK guy that you were a Republican, and that you liked country music. That ought to have at least made you seem less threatening. :]

Ellie said...

You know, that sucks. Completely. My kids don't see color. Honestly. My hubster is from the Washington DC area and has friends of all shapes, sizes and colors. Literally. They have Uncle Ryan, who is black, Uncle Steve, who is the Jewish-Canadian uuber-white dude, and their beloved, Uncle Lawrence, Matthew's Godfather who happens to be a really big Chinese man. Our wedding looked like a meeting of the United Nations. Why do people teach their children to judge? We may not be perfect, in fact we are far from perfect, parents but at least I hope we've gotten this part right.