Whodidit? The Black or Hispanic Guy, of Course!

Dang.

It's about 11:30 on a Saturday night, and I just finished watching this flick called "Vantage Point." Good as hell movie about different viewpoints as the president is shot by some wack-job terrorist group (not gonna spoil the surprise, but it is an entertaining flick).

Anywho, there is this one "viewpoint", as seen by a tourist played by Forrest Whitaker (a hell of an actor; I really need to check out "The Last King Of Scotland" to witness his Academy-Award winning performance). Now if you are not familiar with Mr. Whitaker, he is a person of color; not that should matter, but well, by the title of this little ditty, u know some negro-ness was coming into play in this bitch somewhere...:)

Anyway, the character Mr. Whitaker plays is a dude on the outs with his wife, and he happens to be in the right/wrong place at the right/wrong time. As to, as mentioned earlier, not to spoil the film for those who didn't see it, he ends up playing a very vital and positive role in the film. It's cool, because he is just a normal guy whose personal life is going to crap, and he takes a vacation just to get his head on right.

Just like anybody might have done, whether they'd be Brown, Peach, or Mocha-skinned (as I've mentioned in earlier posts, there are no "white" folks nor "black" folks; seriously, if I was black, the only way I'd be able to tell where my mouth was is if I smiled; old joke, but makes sense).

So I finish the flick, kiss my spouse "The Franchise" goodnight, and begin to peruse the Internet before I headed over to my much-neglected blog. I hit the NY Daily News website (my hometown paper), and automatically there are a variety of stories about crime, murder, and so on and so forth.

Now take a second...let me set up this scenario for you...

Say there was a police chase in NYC where the suspects are, say, 16 to 18 years old, and in the end both of them are killed.

Automatically, what would be the first thing that would pop in your head?

I am willing to bet that you'd think they were gang members, drug dealers, and so forth, and they were (sigh) Black or Hispanic (or my aforementioned Brown (or beige or burnt, depending on parents or if the "peach" master's DNA happened to pop up 6 generations later).

It's OK to admit it.

I am a Brown/somewhat overdone skinned man, and it is the first thing I'd think.

Yeah, I know...not cool to put down my own peeps like that, as that it's bad enough when "peach/look like you threw up and u r pale"-skinned folks are trained from generation to generation to think that way.

It seems it should be much worse when a fellow "Brownie" (sorry, Girl Scouts) thinks the same.

So, whose fault is that, anyway? I mean, hell, how do we know that Robert and Thomas (first "peach" like names I could think of), two teenagers from, say, the Upper East Side in Manhattan in NYC got bored, sold drugs, and ended up being gunned down?

(Note, well more than likely, chances are the cops wouldn't have shot them unless they had no choice..."brownies" might as well have "please put bullet in my ass here" tattooed on their "bling" when it comes to policemen. Sorry; I know there are good cops, but too many of them abuse their power. That's another post for another day).

Is it the media, who have forgotten how to actually do a news story from all angles, but instead want the most shocking bit of news (or expected, as, well, all us "Brownies" and "Mochas" are robbin', stealin', drug dealin', 52 times over baby daddy losers, when we are on the news it has to be negative) they can get on the air to get your attention? Part of the reason why I didn't pursue journalism once I graduated from college (that, and back in the early 90's, I couldn't afford to be paid hairs stuck in shit for pay in exchange for 60 hours a week, hoping I'd get a spot at a major publication or newspaper).

Or...

Is it the way society wants people to think of minorities, as it is passed on to generation to generation? Ignorance is like getting sneezed on and a big ol' plug of snot hits you in your open mouth while eating a Subway sandwich. U'll catch something, and keep spreading it to the next person (as, well, u sneeze your mucous plug in their mouths). I was taught to distrust white folks; I can't blame my folks, 'cuz they grew up in the segregated south. However, they've met enough assholes from all races to know better in their fairly new older years.

Stereotypes are harder to get rid off than the "Brown" off of Michael Jackson (Vitiligo my ass, Mike!)

Or finally, is it just easier to assume that a certain group of people are always guilty of the worse, because we're all too lazy to find out the truth?

I mean hell, as long as it isn't happening to you or me, you figure it's just another "brutha" or "wetback" or "Chico"whatever who doesn't know any better, right? Good riddance if they get killed or go to jail, correct?

Don't get me wrong...if u r a dumb ass and u break the law, then u deserve to get bent over like a 90 degree angle and violated, OK?

However, and this is a lesson I need to learn as well, so that I can stop my kids from repeating the same mistake, if we all could actually look at things and learn facts about a situation (or in this case, a set of people), you might find out a few bad apples doesn't kill a bunch. The media, entertainment, etc has made billions off of reinforcing guilt on an entire set of people, teaching us to automatically assume that when a crime is committed, it is more than likely being committed by someone other than the majority.

Note...I know statistics show that most violent crimes are committed by minorities...this is, well, sadly, fact.

However...

Have you seen what the AIG's, Fords, GM's, etc have done lately? Billions of dollars wasted, and they come beggin' the Fed for help.

That's a f'ing crime.

At least the few bad "Brownies" and "Mochas" are trying to get their own...

...albeit in not the most honest fashion.

Oh, and I doubt that anyone would assume a minority ordered those AIG paid vacations after they got their first bailout.

For Da Fat Chicks in Da House...

Yeah, I know.

The title is a little f'd up.

First off, before I spew like a overworked porn star, let me say that for the, oh, 1 to 2 readers I have on this thing (if I even have that many), I am sorry that I've been gone the past 15 days or so; the "G" has been discouraged...I had some strange fantasy that somehow I can get folks to actually check out my musing, and not only teach them, make them laugh, blah, blah, blah, but maybe make a little coin as I spend my now nearly 14th month of unemployment.

Silly Negro, cash is for WASPS who use bailouts to fund their penis extensions!

Oh well, I am somewhat over it now, consigning myself to an existence of being a "slave", making another WASP rich, eventually ending up without health insurance and a limp penis.

Wait, I have the penis thing already...happened when my kids showed up.

Let's Move On!

Anyway, I was speaking to "The Franchise" (the nickname I gave my spouse, as that she has diligently been fighting an uphill battle to keep all of the possessions I have foolishly overdrawn my credit for, including this house) about this post, and as that she would have a direct relation to the subject matter...

OH NO HE DIDN'T!

Did I just call my wife a fat chick? Dayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam! Not a wise thing for someone who has no income at the moment, right?

But don't get your tampon strings in a knot that you can't get pulled out, k?

Here's the deal.

My wife knows she's overweight...hell, medically she's obese. But more on that in a bit, as this article isn't about her, and I think she is a sexy beast anyways...her opinion, with mine running a close 2nd, should be the one that matters.

Hell, I'm overweight...it's a fact. By about, oh, 70 lbs or so. Borderline diabetic, too.

And I hate friggin' needles. Scare the black off of me (and I am a dark-skinned mofo, so that's pretty damned scary).

Ultimately, this little ditty is more of a thank you to the women out there that isn't, say, a size Ethiopian.

White guys that I've met in the past (and know currently) considering anything over a size 6 (in U.S. terms; sometimes I get international folks who find my blog too "American"-ized; if you want to see what "fat ass" equates to in the eyes of the Caucasian male, click here) as a porker.

A major cultural difference if you ask me. Now the stereotype (and every stereotype has some truth to it, sadly...otherwise racism, bigotry, etc would of died long ago) for Black Males (you know, I am gonna go with the term "MSO (Multi-Shades Of) Brown-Folk"; seriously, "black" never made sense, as that well, if one was truly "black" they'd never find themselves once it got dark and would keep bumping into each other like Stevie Wonder in a maze) is that we like our females with a "little more meat" on them. I won't lie, that old rap song "Baby Got Back" does have some merit when it comes to my taste in women...my wife's booty in that skirt she was wearing in the club I met her in nearly 13 years ago would make J-Lo's ass seem like an ass lacking in cushioning...hello! (Oh, the fact that she turned out to be a full-figured model didn't hurt, either).

Her friends said that after I got the courage to talk to her (never picked up a woman EVER in a bar before I spoke to her like 45 minutes before the club closed) that I'd never call her after I got her number...

...I called her like 8 hours later, and we've been together pretty much ever since.

The funny thing is...I dated a woman even more overweight that she was/is...big difference is that my lady has, and still does have, a figure.

It just is a few times bigger than that fabled American 6.

Fat girls (and to a degree, fat guys) just have it shitty. And yeah, I said fat. It is what it is...no politically correct bullshit at the Domain, peeps. Let's see...

They can't find clothes worth shit...it is like there was a law written that says "If u're a fat chick, mumus are your only option...fashion taste is outlawed!" Have you ever popped your head into a store like Lane Bryant here in the States? Holly crap...shit so loud, bright, and tactless Ray Charles would jump out of his grave and say "That ain't right!"

Cute size-6 chicks hang out with them, since they feel that they won't be any competition. This little bit of trickery is, well, just foul. These unfortunate souls are at times referred to as a "DUFF" (Designated Ugly Fat Friend). Not cool...but, this doesn't always work. My wife's "friends" when I met her were a short girl who looked like a younger Estelle Getty (think "Golden Girls") and a skinny size 4 that I wouldn't pick my teeth with. Then again, just my taste, tis all.

Some fat girls thing they are skinny girls, resulting in embarrassing situations. In several societies on this planet, thin is in, and well, there are times where women of bigger girths, while I respecting any bit of self confidence you can muster, obviously have problems with their mirrors. No one, and I mean NO ONE, really needs to see a woman (or a man, for that matter) walking around in clothing that is too tight, too revealing, etc., if you simply don't have the body for it. Now I know that seems that I am buying into society's notion of what attractive is (and I am not, the finishing point is coming), but when I am in a mall, trying to each lunch, and I see a woman with enough fat hanging out to fry a month's worth of the Colonel's Secret Recipe, I have a problem with that.

Which leads me to my closing point....

Ultimately, people spend too much time looking at one is on the outside...including those whose "outsides" are, well, somewhat more expansive than others. It falls under the same category as judging a person by their race, religion, beliefs, sexual orientation, and so forth. Being fat, is well, frankly dangerous, and it does shorten your life. It is one of the few medical conditions that can truly be reversed. My family has a long history of diabetes, and an uncle of mine passed away a couple of years ago due to eating his ass into a grave (stroke, diabetes, eventually his body just said "f-it" and shut down). Also, if you read a couple of posts back, a friend's dad and a former co-worker of mine both died at relatively early ages because they were both fat, had diabetes, and their bodies couldn't take the abuse any more.

I am headed down that same road, and as a father of 2 kids who, despite their sometimes dislike of my actions (at times deservedly so), needs to be around for them for as long as I can, so I got off my ass and started walking. It's a start, cuz I know dead has this bad habit of being, well, permanent.

But for those fat chicks (and guys) out there, if you are happy being your size, if you think you are the shit, and if you have friends, family, and/or someone special who loves you no matter what size...

...eat some potato chips and tell your detractors to stop hatin'.

There is only one you...even if the only size 6 you know is what's left of your foot long hot dog with all the fixin's.

I tell my wife this all the time, in some sort of fashion. 'Cuz u see, I think she's the bomb. I never jumped on her because of her weight, mainly because I'd be a hypocrite if I did. Only YOU can make you happy...I know that I am risking my life at this size, and I'd like to see 40, 50, 60, 70, and if my penis still functions as a waste disposal and an occasional "woody", hit 80 if I am not a burden on my kids.

And, as I am sure she'll yell at me for this (this is why this post is getting her OK before it gets published), she doesn't like herself sometimes because of her weight.

Sigh.

Only YOU can prevent life fires within yourself....only you.

So for the proud fat chicks, peace to you all.

For those who are not so proud, well...

...you still breathe, work towards that size 6...or 8, or wherever you need to be so you feel good.

Just please don't lose that butt....Becky, OH MY God....

Two-Thousand-Zero-Nine, Party Over, Ooops...never mind, here's da new year plan!

Alrighty then....

A new year has arrived...the end of the 2000's (which makes no sense, as that there are 991 years to go on that, if you truly think about it; however, there isn't anything else to call this first decade, so we move on!)

The Christmas lights have been somewhat put away (my tree is still up, but I am not as bad as some folks...I never did quite understand the supposed "White Trailer Trash Mentality" of leaving them up every year; while I get the convenience of flipping on a switch after Thanksgiving without the stress, should you advertise that you have less class than a South African School?) and I have big plans for 2009...well, not really, but I have really, really big dreams of getting rid of my lovely gut before I turn 40 in 6 months and 25 days.

My kids still haven't gotten bored with their new toys as of yet (my oldest is a video game addict, which is not abnormal for the kids of this generation; if he could apply his skills with a Wii remote to, say, the economy, we'd all be making 6 figures and getting blown (or eaten, depending on your gender) by hot looking people), and well, I avoided getting sox and Brute (by Faberge)...

...at least till next Christmas, anyway.

Anywho, I wanted to share with you my hopes and dreams for 2009, for myself as well as the world that we all live in. (Please note these thoughts and dreams are self copyright 2009 The Negro with The Ego, all rights reserved. Any use of said thoughts and dreams for your own benefit will result in me sending a bottled fart and a mini slice of my funky ass turds to your address).

Ok, here we go....

1. I hope to discover a toejam cleaner that works in the shower. It's something that I, as well as maybe 3 other people, might think about, which obviously makes it important. Sometimes I feel like there is a cotton farm between my toes by the end of the day. (Wait a minute...based on my ethnic background, let's make the cotton reference polyester, OK?)

2. That women can create a bra that is comfortable as well as sexy, no matter how big the flotation devices are. We can cure diseases, we can elect a black man as president (more on that later), and put up with Britney Spears' crap....why can't we find a bra that not only helps the ladies carry the man pillows, but makes a man wish he had a flag to put on his pole when he sees his woman in it? Just a thought.

3. The term "baby daddy" to go away, replaced with the term "father." Sigh...being out of work for the last 13 months has allowed me to "catch up" on all these "talk shows" (also known as how white trailer trash or ignorant, stereotype enhancing Negroes making the KKK's job so much easier propaganda). I truly wish that there was a test required before you dip the life-giving ice cream mix stick into the wet tunnel of baby love. Most folks would fail...hell, based on my lack of patience with my kids, I'd fail...probably on purpose. In short, if ya make it, handle it and bring up a decent human being, fellas...mamma's too, OK? Baby Daddy is one thing, Father is everything.

4. TV Stations don't really need to let us know that, well, we're watching their stations. I am watching college football here on New Year's Day, which is a typically male thing to do (but it is the only time of the year I typically watch college football; I am more of a fan of the pro game). Anyway, in the first 10 minutes of the game, I heard "ESPN" mentioned at least 4 times. If you are so f'n stupid that you need to know what station you are watching, pick up a book. Obviously, the media thinks we all have George W. Bush-level intelligence (an oxymoron in itself). Then again, I just may spend too much time paying attention to irrelevant shit.

5. For those folks whose time is up in 2009, to all die in their sleep...while dreaming of anything they were not able to do while they were here. Of course, I am praying that I am not among the ones to become worm fodder, nor do I wish anything like that to my 1 to 3 regular readers. I mean, we got cancer, strokes, heart attacks, murder, watching "American Idol" and getting shitty when people like Sanjaya sticks around and getting an aneurysm due to stress over it, etc. I say if it's your time, right before, have a drink, your favorite meal, put on your "Hannah Montana" slipper socks, and go to sleep, with your last thoughts being that country you wanted to visit, or that Xbox 360 you wanted but couldn't afford, or doing Heidi Klum (or Brad Pitt, Zach Effron, etc for the ladies). Me personally (once again, Lord, I would appreciate another 40 years of relative good health before my clock's punched) I hope to dream of my kids being men, my wife in good health (but OLD!) and me being the sex-meat of a Halle Berry and Janet Jackson sandwich (obviously, the only way the last part happens is IN A DREAM).

6. Lawyers who get on TV claiming that they have your best interests in mind. Now I know this is old hat, but it just cracks me up when you see actors who probably made $500 bucks for their appearance saying "Thanks to (put in the scumbag lawyer's name here), he made me 10's of thousands of dollars because my accident...even though my big toe is in my ass permanently, I can now buy a new wheelchair." In the meanwhile, the lawyer, whose taken about, oh, 80% of your winnings, is laughing as he drives away in his Bentley, being blown by your wife. Put that truth in a commercial...

7. Create an "Off" Button for children and people who talk too much shit. That wish is self explanatory; the person who comes up with that would have so much money, make make Warren Buffet look like he couldn't afford to live in the ghetto.

8. Another wish for an invention...the "Get Rid of The Fat Off Your Ass Without The Work" Pill. This would be awesome. I have the Wii Fit...got it for my 39th birthday. Been used like 10 times. Now when I play the Wii, it yells at me. This is not motivating me to drop the 70 lbs I need to lose. This is motivating me to find the nearest packet of Suzy-Q's and flipping off my Wii with my cream-covered finger. And this person will then become Bill Gates in terms of cash flow. Sweet.

9. For Our 44th President to not get shot. I am truly not trying to be facetious here, but let's face it...there are a lot of Yahoo's who haven't gotten over the Civil War Loss...despite that that was like, what...8 generations or so ago, and they weren't even a sperm shot in their great great great great great great granddaddy's Johnson at the time the Confederacy downfall. For the inauguration, they are talking about the heaviest security for the event in U.S. history. Sad. Last time I checked, he bleeds just like any other human being, no matter what ethnicity one is. Don't hate because he has a better tan...u have a problem, find a salon.

And Finally....

10. The real time wishes. I'd like folks to actually try to be slightly nicer to each other. If a person is an ass, they need to be wiped like an ass. But, if someone is being a bad day, give them a break. For those who have a job that they cannot stand (and that would describe ALL of my jobs; anyone who says they LOVE their job is either getting paid at least high 6 figures, or they have nothing BETTER to do in their lives), be glad you have one, because there is no worse feeling, beyond loss of a loved one, than feeling helpless. To really learn (and this applies to me, too) patience...life's a bitch or anus (to keep things non-sexist here), and it will get to you on it's time, not yours. For all folks to appreciate this short time on this earth...if you checked out a post of mine a couple of weeks back, a former co-worker of mine and a friend passed away a couple months ago, and a former friend's dad did the same, both due to avoidable health-related issues. Pretty young, considering today's medical advancements, too. My wife told me that we were closer to these gentlemen's age than we were to being teenagers (I have to kick her for that comment). Just tells you time flies, and soon you will arrive at that final destination. Enjoy your time, even if life sucks dingleberries. And in conclusion...

...to accept that people won't listen AT ALL to No. 9. We are a flawed race...sadly, the human race never fails to disappoint me...and I to disappoint myself.

Oh well...there's always the Wii Fit...or Suzy Q's.

Tough Choice.

Happy New Year.