About The Funk...

Observational Spittle from the mind of a man of color in his 40s, without the color added (most times). Come in, laugh, and you may learn something...

90 Things That Irritate The Sh** Out Of Me Trailer

Saturday, November 18, 2017

The BITCH of it All (to all the ladies)

May I have a few minutes of your time folks?

I wanna talk about a word that I sadly use WAY too much.

For those who have taken the time to know me, y’all know that I try to have the best intentions in mind in whatever I do. However, due to what is expected of males in this society, my upbringing in the NYC, or plain ignorance, I use the word BITCH waaaaaaaaaay too much.

Now I have been thinking about this lately, especially with all the news about men losing their damn minds when it comes to how little they think of the opposite sex.

Y’all have heard me quote Chuck D many a time (Without Mothers they’d be no brothers...w/o sisters they’d be no misters). Starting with my own mom, even in her current state one of the most dignified people I’ve ever known, I have always held women in high regard throughout my life.

However, I also have had a weakness for them too, which is why I didn’t get married to nearly 31...based on what was originally a hookup.

The word “bitch” can take on a variety of different meanings....none of them flattering, to be honest.

Guys call each other “bitch” to signify that they are weak...like a stereotypical woman.

A woman who acts like a “bitch” is simply an unpleasant, bitter, evil, pick any unflattering description person.

Stop “bitching” means you complain and nag too much...like a stereotypical woman.

I can go on for a while, but I am trying to get my 11-year-old to go to sleep (and yes, I know it is 5:42 in the early evening as I write this).

I have a horrible habit of referring to women I don’t know as “that bitch.” Not proud of it, but it is sort of programmed into my dome, and sometimes it is hard to turn off.

“That bitch is crazy.”

That is one of my guilty “favorites”, sadly.

“Bitch has lost her mind.”

I usually say that when I am watching “Maury” (it’s been a longer furlough than usual; don’t judge me)...or watching anyone in Congress continue to butt-shiv fellow Americans.

Now you ladies are good for calling each other bitch a lot, which like how the “n” word is used sometimes as a term of endearment by those of the chocolate/mocha/does he had a white daddy persuasion, makes little sense to me as well. I have heard it used as a term of endearment between women who have been friends for years. But, much like if a Caucasian attempts to use the term “my n.....”, it isn’t taken well if folks who are not in the group it usually applies to use it.

We have never been a logical species.

Women (besides minorities and all other folks who aren’t worried white males in power) in my eyes have always been fucked over the world over (literally and figuratively) since the minute Eve bit that apple (if you believe in that sorta thing). They are other looked upon as just ass or “2nd place” beyond men.

That’s just stupid, because some of the most brilliant people I’ve ever met are women. Makes no sense they generally make less than guys (except in my house, cause my girl...sorry ladies, I call her my girl cuz she is...makes about 33% more than I do), are looked at nothing more than conquests and baby makes by a good majority of men (despite their public persona saying otherwise).

How is it right that a bunch of men get to decide what women do w/their bodies?

Last time I checked guys didn’t bleed every 28 days, give birth, deal with breast cancer (well, most of the time), are gawked at like Wile E. Coyote does the Road Runner , and generally are thought of in a lot of ways as property.

And that doesn’t even cover how a lot of ladies are pressured to make sure their hair “is did”, makeup is on point, and can’t even dress “sexy” because it makes some dudes think it is a free vagina pass.

I am a dude, and I have NO IDEA what women have to...well, I sorta do, with that whole excess melanin thing that makes it black wabbit season in this country. I think I can relate somewhat, because in a lot of ways minorities and women are generally looked upon as LESS than.

But I am also part of the problem. “Bitch” ain’t cool. I am not saying that some ladies don’t deserve to be called as such (just like, even tho a lot of folks of color would agree, there are some folks who play the “n” part sadly because they think that is what is expected of them). I guess that while I can’t promise that I can stop, I have to think about this...if my Caucasian associates thought it was cool to say to me “What up (insert the several dozen derogatory ways I can be describe because of my race)”, even if they say they meant nothing by it, I’d had to slap a....

Well, you get my point.

I will finish with this (since Noah is now asleep...yay!).

I love all women, cuz as far as I am concerned, y’all bleed red (horrible joke just popped in my mind....damn it) just like I do, are better built than most men (that’s why y’all can have babies and outlive us; you have seen how we men act when we are sick or get a paper cut) and should be treated like anyone else who deserves it...with respect and as equals.

Doesn’t mean that a few of y’all are just mean fuckers and deserve to be calls that “b” word.

Hey, goes both ways.

I have run into (and have been) a few assholes in 48 years.

Hope all of y’all enjoy your holiday next week.

Thursday, August 24, 2017

The Black and White 80's

Getting ready to call it a night, but I wanted to share something that occurred to me on the ride home.
As a lot of you are, I am a child of the 1980's. Growing in the Bronx was a little different world compared to what a lot of you experienced. The biggest thing that I treasured about that decade was the music. I, of course, grew up in the age when hip-hop began its infancy, and I listen to a lot of R&B as well (part of the whole culture thing). However I also listened to a lot of pop radio (WPLJ, Z100 before it became the mega station it is today), a fact that my one of my cousins (who I sadly used to be close to once upon a time) gave me shit about.
A black kid from The Bronx wasn't supposed to listen to Madonna, Bon Jovi, etc.
I usually listen to either the 80's station on SiriusXM (I am gonna miss that when my extended trial ends) or Backspin, a station that plays classic hip hop. I alternate between listening to my massive amount of music on my phone and the subscription service. Yesterday I was grooving the billboard countdown from August 19, 1989, and it made me think about the fashions, the music and the once in the blue moon good times I had in my youth.
Of course knowing the way I think, y'all will find it no surprise that I started to compare what it was like in the 80's for black folks/latin folks compared to white people.
Ride with me for a minute before you roll your eyes.
When i was a teen, all I wanted was skinny ties (white match) gold chains (ok, Italians...lol -- oh, couldn't afford gold so I got that plated shit that made my skin break out like a snake) Sheepskin coats, Kango's, British Knight Shoes, Stripped Lee's (for the 5 minutes there were popular), iZod shirts (white match), Gazelle Glasses, and shell-top adidas, which I could never wear because my feet were too damn wide.
I did get practically every color of Suede Pumas tho.
As I recollected though, I saw the divided line between the cultures as well.
White folks had films dedicated to what the 80s was supposed to be like.
The Breakfast Club.
Sixteen Candles.
Weird Science.
Pretty in Pink.
Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
Porky's (well, that was the 1950's, but still an 80's film.
That was just the tip of the iceberg.
The inner city kid view of the 80's in cinema?
We had Beat Street and Wild Style.
Little off balance, don't you think?
(And don't you DARE mention "Breakin'." While a favorite, once you tossed the white girl in there it sort of lost any time of street cred).
As I compared these two things, I laughed and shook my head on my drive home. The views back then was simply a repeat of history...kids from an era who should be able to relate to that time and have most of that stuff in common.
Back then "rap" to white kids was "Ice Ice Baby", "Wild Thing" (the Tone Loc Version, not The Troggs), and "Walk This Way."
It was safe back then.
We have always been a nation of division, teaching each generation what we feel is correct "history." While I understand that you are subject to your environment, this country has been built on making sure ghettos remain ghettos, history remains blanco, and even certain music and styles of the times (even tho, as it has been throughout history, appropriation has taken hold, with some Caucasian youth copying the styles of the day, but won't deal with the issues of the times).
At 48, I am still a fan of rap music, thinking the Kendrick Lamar and J. Cole's of the world having something to say besides talking about their latest acquisitions (both of the materialistic and feminine kind). I don't follow fashion trends in my middle age; if it is clean that is all that matters to me.
But I am an 80's kid, and will be so until God calls me home.
However, the biggest thing that struck me as I pulled into my garage the other day is that my 80's is a lot different that some of my associate's vision of the decade of excess.
Sort of makes sense when it comes to how I see America as dangerous, while others think it is perfectly fine.