About The Funk...

Observational Spittle from the mind of a man of color in his 40s, without the color added (most times). Come in, laugh, and you may learn something...

90 Things That Irritate The Sh** Out Of Me Trailer

Sunday, October 14, 2018

The Fairy Tell of the Biggest Dick (ergo Manhood)

Beyond the Noah drama I just posted about, I woke up with a thought that I wanted to expand on.

What, exactly, makes up a Man?

Now as a 49-year-old adult male (at least in the eyes of the law...wait, the law is different for folks like me...we will just go with “in general” and call it even) you would think I would qualify as a “man.”  I have facial hair, deep voice, testicles (well, depending on how cold it is) and will probably die at least 5 years before my wife (probably more like 25, since my wife is not only Caucasian, women in her family seemingly live forever). 

So physically, I am a man.

However, we all know that isn’t the entire story.

Every society has its own definition of “manhood.”  

Men are supposed to be strong, not letting their emotions get the best of them.

We are supposedly (even tho in this world, this antiquated idea needs to die) to be the head of the household, the bad guys who do the disciplining, the “rock.”

We can’t be punks, ready to beat the shit out of each other to prove how much of a “man” we are in society’s (and our loved ones) eyes.

My father always gave me crap because I was (OK, at times still am...hey, I’ve gotten better, damn it) sensitive and would cry when my feelings were hurt.  

Described me in not so pleasant terms too.

When I got out of 8th grade, I got a watch for a gift (I was obsessed with watches).  About 2 weeks after I got it, I was mugged at knifepoint.  The local kids told my pop...and he promptly humiliated me for not fighting back.  Didn’t wear a watch again (including the fact that I am allergic to the nickel in cheaper watches) until I got an Apple Watch (aluminum).  

The biggest thing that occurred to me in the manhood mythos is the attitude towards sex.  

Gotta have as many notches as possible on the belt, right?  

The penis has caused more wars, deaths, dramas, and shitty attitudes (right, POTUS, SCOTUS, and Congress?) than anything else in the world’s history.  A lot of guys think that because of that thing dangling from their crotches that they run shit, forgetting (and more importantly, WE forgetting) that they got their though the ignorance of others, much less while stepping on them to get where they are.

Now if a man don’t have a “Mighty Sword of Bone-age” (or your shit is more flaccid than an orange man in power) they try to prove their “manhood” in other ways (mostly in the lusty chase of power).  

Stupid, but dangerous.

The “manhood” thing tho, mostly hits women....hard.  We have seen it recently....we have seen in for millennia.  It’s why women are running for office, trying to cut that “manhood” down to the stump it should have been long time ago (just leave mine alone, ladies....I am with ya 100%).  

Now I believe that as an adult (male or female) you should stand up for yourself (something that it took me a long time to do, and even now I choose my battles carefully).  I honestly wish that men realize that hey, we are gonna one day rot in the ground (or scattered from a mountaintop) just like our female counterparts.

Look, I dig money, am semi-fond of vagina, and sorta like the strength advantage I have (well, use to have; women 10 years + older than me hit the steps at work while my fat ass is all about “Elevator or bust”).  But I know (well, now almost “knew”) a strong woman who, despite her own victimization of the “manhood mystique” who taught me that no matter what, respect females and their power.  I have been subject to the good and the bad of that statement more times that I can count (ergo 1990-1991, for example), so I know females are da shit.  

I guess my prevailing thought on manhood, both in my personal experiences and what I’ve seen, is that I wish that instead of “manhood” we can just be, well, people.  Respect for what we can do, support for what we can’t.  

And fellas, if you wanna cry, cry.

I saw Simon Cowell do it once.

It is possible.

Sunday, September 30, 2018

Entertainers who are people of color usually, intentionally or not, subconsciously or whatever, are usually judged more harshly than their caucasian counterparts, especially if by their behavior they are considered the proverbial "asshole" or "bitch.". 
For example I hear that Kanye West changed his name to "Ye." 
Now don't get me wrong, I am a fan of Kanye's music, and he is immensely talented, despite his mind-numbing arrogance. 
However, don't think homeboy has quite been right since his mom died. Also, well, he does tend to put his foot in his mouth.
But the worse thing he has done, truly, has been putting his foot into his mouth.
Self inflicted, but harmless to anyone else.
Yet he his despised (and aligning himself w/Trump isn't exactly a great career move) by folks on both sides of the aisle (by the way "Ye", when you piss off your people after most Caucasians think you are an asshat, you end up on "Celebrity Fit Club" or "Dancing with the Stars." Not good for a guy who has won a shitload of Grammys).
Beyonce and Jay-Z...immensely successful folks of color, has done numerous charitable things, especially for folks of color that generally they don't advertise. Beyond Jay's drug dealer past, they have never been in trouble with the law and generally keep their noses clean.
Yet a lot of my caucasian associates can't stand them.
Of course, methinks part of it is a lot of white folks can't deal with when black folks do well....especially when they do MUCH better than the folks that are hating on them.
Jealousy crosses all barriers, but folks of color who are successful gotta watch what they say or what they do, or they get convicted...even when no true "crime" was committed.
William H. Cosby is a convicted sexual offender. He got his just desserts, and will probably die in prison.
Yet a man who, let's face it, lied his ass off under oath on Thursday is probably gonna get, IMHO, the most powerful job in our country. 
Ted Kennedy got a female killed in a car accident. Served in congress till the day he died.
Now Clarence Thomas (who I personally think is a scumbag, race be damned) did get away with shit. So did OJ (even tho the dumb as, after getting away with murder, robs somebody and goes to jail anyway).
So ever so often famous folks of color get a pass.
But no matter what argument presents itself to me, you will never convince me that assholes are judged more harshly when the tan doesn't fade away over time.
Personally if you are a bitch or a dick, I could care less if you use aqua net or cocoa butter.
But as I said before, when you are guilty the day you slip out of the vagina or the c-section, it isn't good to add asshole to the mix.
It rarely turns out well for us, no matter how many zeroes you have following a number in your bank account.