For my wife

Hola.

I was off to bed after a nice evening (for once - note, as much as I love my 2 boys, whomever said kids are a joy is on the most serious of crack addictions, and need to seek out a Ford Clinic faster than Lindsay Lohan), and as I was about to head upstairs, my faulty memory kick me in the ding-ding, and I recalled this idea that I had for a post, so I wanted to sit down and jot it down here b4 I forget it.

As most folks know, I have been gainfully unemployed since I started this blog some time ago, and, well, it has sucked the cream off of a money shot on someone's ass. As a male, despite my firm belief that the antiquated thoughts that "men should be men" and all that other bull droppings, I did promise a very tall white man that I'd take care of his daughter, and eventually, his grandchildren.

Now, God knows that there have been times that I have failed more as a dad than a guy with a 2 inch penis in getting laid, but all in all, I haven't done that bad (well, check back in a few years to see if my oldest isn't snorting up the first base line if he ever gets back into sports). I have a nearly straight A student for the oldest, and my special needs little one (what the hell is "special needs", anyway? More PC bullshit? My boy's brain is a little more scrambled than others, but he's friggin' awesome. Let's skip the gentle and get with the real, right?)is in a good space right now.

But, I am not going to take credit for that.

I love going to the movies, especially in the summer, catching all the big releases that feed my somewhat small male ego (I said EGO, folks...to quote Eddie M from that 80's (cough) classic "The Golden Child", there ain't nothing wrong with my yang) with explosions in the like. Of course, not having a job would make this normally a foolish venture, even at $4.00 (now 4.50; I am sure Congress has something to do with that, the rich bastards). But, I got to see everything I wanted to see, which helped out what was a pretty dull summer due to, well lackus of cash-itus. (It's a disease...Google that bitch).

But, I had little to do with that small miracle as well.

I had also little to do with the last 4 years with my quality of life suffering quite little, actually.

I had a big help.

There's this girl...and I say girl, despite the fact that middle age is a-creepin' up on her, and she is definitely all WOMAN.

But, we'll call her a girl, cuz that is how I c her, despite my deep respect.

She can be, well, at times, difficult.

Short tempered.

Beaten down.

Negative like a strip of film.

And well, all around miserable both in a physical and emotional way if the day is right (or wrong).

But she is beautiful.

Cheating on her would be foolish, cuz she'd "CSI" your ass and u'd b paying 2/3's, the hell with the half.

Her clothes are dated, her hair needs a long overdue cut, and her husband's alter ego, "Jerome" handles the hair coloring to hide the WAY premature grays (that she's had since 18, from my understanding). She instead puts food on the table, keeps the lights on, and allows her failed man (when you have 6 jobs in 15 years, u fucking suck folks...I know I've cussed more than usual, but hey, consider this the cable of the blog world).

She looks at homes online, and she has this dream home...about 700K (originally near 800K...what a bargain!), that she would like to breathe in its air. She tells me about it all the time; shown me the pictures and the slides of how totally awesome it is.

Even has a built in movie screen, so I can finally make my best friend say "Mother Toejam."

But then her reality kicks her in the nose that has already been broken by her oldest son some 8 years ago, and the tears make her cheeks red, instead of the sun from an overdue (10 year and counting) vacation.

You see, despite it all (as well as my own moments of "poor fucking me"), I have tried to help her stand up....even though she doesn't need my help.

She has the nickname "BBB" (y'all can figure that out on you own), and it is well, well deserved.

And despite the fact that I call her a girl, she is my WOMAN.

And at times it sucks, because there is nothing worse than watching someone's dreams die slowly, piece by piece, every day.

She loves her boys.

She loves her husband...has to, cuz I would of dumped him long ago for his at times foolish choices.

Today she pointed out a book to me, about the kid who was under for surgery, "died" on the table, and supposedly went up to heaven and saw dead relatives he never met, a sister who died in childbirth, and other things not explained. I said to her that well, if there is a heaven, there's gotta be a hell (or this is the biggest scam I've seen in a minute).

We kept going, and I thought back to all the times her faith has been at a low ebb...even lower than mine (since that, well, lately sitting in a church for me makes me feel like the biggest hypocrite on earth).

If there is a heaven, then damn it, God is making it really hard for her, her family, and well, this world, to keep on the path to it lately.

So, I am going to say goodnight, and climb in bed next to this "girl", who, thanks to a thankless non vacation, has to haul her bad back to work and deal with life once again.

There are people who are on the streets sleeping tonight. Folks who die too young. And the folks who can do something about it are too busy counting their money, which well, came from us by law.

Everyone has their own "hell."

I just wish this wonderful lady didn't have such a hot, personal burning one.

Cuz Angels on Earth should have a chance to fly sometimes.