When I started this blog, I was hoping that someone would think I was a pretty good writer, and perhaps my words would explode across the world, gathering a following that enjoyed my musings.
Hasn't quite worked out that way, but I write on.
Before I post, a quick note to the few who actually follow this blog. About a month ago I released my 5th book, "The Book of Noah - 3:21." It is a book about my son, who has a dual diagnosis of Down Syndrome and Autism. I wrote it for folks who have people with special needs in their lives as sort of a "hey, we dig it, we are in this together" book, being brutally honest on how hard (as well as how wonderful) having these folks in their lives can be. I was also trying to raise money for Down Syndrome and Autism Organizations and/or research, so if you are feeling all "We Are The World" and stuff, check it out.
Ok, no more commercials, even though the paragraph above does have a lot to do with this post, which I THINK is my first one of 2016.
I haven't slept well in 2 months, so if I am wrong all apologies.
My Sunday has been unkind, to say the least. A planned giveaway of "Noah 3:21" completely fell apart due to my own inattentiveness, and now my reputation as a writer may be severely damaged (and derailed this project) big time.
My autistic children did not have a good start to the day (oh, I have 2 of them; we won the genetic (or dangerous drug, depending on what you believe) lottery), and the old feeling of doubt have crept in, leaving me feeling that I just am waiting to die. Then I found this review from the book I put out last year from the United Kingdom, and it put a slight smile on my face while making me a little sad at the same time.
I had a long talk with the oldest today about God and faith (don't laugh). His autistic brain won't let him accept the possibility that there is a God. I have tried multiple times to try to explain to him that only God has kept us afloat the last 10 years; he countered with that we were just lucky. I then ask him that how could you believe in luck and not believe in God? Both are basically concepts you cannot see, touch, or feel. Oh, and we never have any GOOD luck around here, so his theory had no merit.
"Author ADD" again...let me get to the point.
I told him that there have been times that I have doubted God’s existence. I have lived a life of mediocrity for more than 2 decades, and days like this make me wonder if he gives a damn. I was given a talent; I know I am a damned good writer. But I have chased after this dream for nearly 30 years, and I explained to Jared that sometimes I feel that God gave me this talent to test my faith with each failure. It especially hurts when, for once, I am trying to do something good for others with my talent.
It’s frustrating.
Anyway, the conversation, due to his mind locked in its logical, Asperger-y way, went nowhere, and he stormed off to church. I simply bowed my head and headed back home.
So it hasn’t been a great Sunday so far. But the old review helps..as well as saddens. “90 Things” is a good piece of work, even if it isn’t for everyone (sorry, Debbie H). But like Cluck, A beginning, and A Prayer, a book dies when it isn’t being read. It sort of sucks, really, disheartening hope and choking off dreams. My dear cousin, God bless her, told me to keep the faith and “no negative posts” for 30 days. As someone whose ups and downs have made mine look like an amusement park, I should listen to her. But everyone’s disappointment are their own, and their weight is theirs to bear. I am just tired of “working out” all of the damned time.
Oh, here is the review I was talking about. Maybe I have an international fan that will start my revolution for me.
I can only hope to either be "lucky" or this "faith" thing to finally work out.
No comments:
Post a Comment