What I Think I Think When I Think About Peanut Butter

There are times where the late nights remind me about how cool it is to be alive.

Now they loneliness part sort of sucks, believe me.  My spouse (at least for another week anyway) goes to bed, and I sit here with my thoughts, the quiet of the house(beyond the occasional sound of settling) providing my soundtrack.

On Wednesday I really didn't want to go to work, wishing I had a day off with my girl. 

I just feel sometimes that I am wasting my precious time doing what I am doing. Don't get me wrong, I am happy that I am gainfully employed after nearly 7 years of the opposite.  I have taken steps to lighten my financial load (even though, just like Al Pacino said in "'Godfather 3" I am getting "sucked right back in.")

As I look at the clock, it is 1:01 am.  I tell an associate and co-worker

regularly that I would love to push the "I resign" button that we have at work (serously, there is a button on our Intranet that will allows usto quit with the push of a button) and be free.  Sunny days before the heat of summer are so refreshing...and depressing.

I am jealous of those folks who work for themselves that, while they work a lot harder and longer than we other folks can also go outside and say "ahh, I don't have a lunch hour' I have a lunch afternoon if I choose."

That ain’t too shabby when it comes to power.

 I am at a weird place in my life.  As I age, I think about my mortality.  My man Prince was only about 11 years older than I when he left this mortal coil. And he ate veggies and whatnot.  I

think my biggest fear when it is time for my clocked to be punched is to leave accomplishing NOTHING.  Yeah, I have published 5 books.  That is pretty cool.  Yeah, I am a dad to 2 boys who, when they want to be, are pretty damned special.  But what I am saying is to do something besides existing.  I mean, anyone can exist, sloth around through life and then die. 

To me, that isn’t a life; that is an opportunity wasted.

I want to get an opportunity, seize it, prosper and grow.  I want to not only put up pretty pictures, but to have pretty thoughts and attitudes and dreams.  A lot of folks think that I think that money is what I seek for happiness.  Money only helps pay for the search and puts a few things at ease.  Nah, I want to be able to put my head down at night and say the following as I drift off to sleep...

IF I DIE, AT LEAST I KNOW THAT I DID SOMETHING

THAT MATTERED.

That, my friends, is what makes Greg go.

Oh, as for the whole peanut butter thing? 

We had Chinese for dinner, since Carla had a massive migraine,and I am not checking to cook after dealing with taxpayers all day.

Sadly, Chinese doesn’t hold.  I was hungry.