About The Funk...

Observational Spittle from the mind of a man of color in his 40s, without the color added (most times). Come in, laugh, and you may learn something...

90 Things That Irritate The Sh** Out Of Me Trailer

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

When White Girls and Boys Go Black...Next on Fox!

I was driving down the road a couple of weeks back, listening to my somewhat loud car stereo, on my way to do something of some relevance (at least in my mind I was, as that I haven't worked in 11 months, and I was probably going to get something to fatten myself and become the world's first all dark-meat turkey), when I passed a local high school, just about when the kids were about to get out for the day.

As I happened to turn my head (just cuz, well, I can still do it without arthritis), I saw a few kids of the Caucasian persuasion talking to each other, iPods blasting in one ear, the other earpiece dangling by their sides. If memory serves (thanks, Spock), there was a cute white girl surrounded by 3 white guys. They were dressed up in current day, Hip-Hop inspired gear, and between the various hand motions, caps with the bills turned to the side, and pants that looks like were picked out by random, explaining the 2x the correct size dimensions, I started to chuckle to myself, as I continued to drive out of the school zone towards my hopefully achieved cellulite-induced orgasms (I ended up at Taco Bell...that Volcano Taco they have out now is tastier than a clean g-spot entrance).

About 10 minutes later I am chomping down on one these lovely bits of death food, when a question happened to pop into my rather large cranium (not the large head I would of preferred, but hey, a woman can at least tell if I am excited).

As I chomped down and felt that volcano sauce seep down my throat like a Jenna Jameson instruction video, the question completely formed in my brain, thinking about that high school I passed by, and those kids...

When did White folks stop being...well, white folks?

Now here at "The Domain" my goal is to try so smash a few pre-conceived notions about folks here in the U.S. and abroad. As a big music fan, you will find everything from traditional "Black Music" like Hip-Hop and R&B (I'll be going off on how music sucks ass today at a later date), and "White" Music like Classic/Modern Rock, Heavy Metal, and for the old wrinkly crowd (stereotypically, of course), some classical and instrumentals residing on my mp3 player. The nice thing about leaving and going away to college back when having a box and a CD player made you look rich is that it opened up my mind to a different world...music and people (especially, well, women of other cultures...here's another cheap plug for an upcoming blog...stay tuned!)

But over the past, say, 15-20 years or so, perceived "Black Culture" (especially with today's Hip-Hop Artists like T.I., Lil' Jon, T-Pain and the like, and actually sort of even started by older artists like Jay-Z, Digital Underground, and Pop-Rap acts like Tone-Loc and Young M.C.) have gotten into white boys and girls, as what was once uncool and "colored" is now the cool thing to do.

This phenomenon has prompted me to pull out one of my (shamefully so) terms of endearment...

"The W*gger Revolution."

Yeah, I went there. As the motto of this blog states up top...I offer you "Grub For Your Mind.

Sometimes that grub may be liver with a side of Castor Oil.

Now, for those who may not be familiar with this lovely term, a "w*gger" is pretty much a white girl or boy, predominately those who may have not seen a black person before junior high, who after seeing (or assuming) that black culture is the "new cool", adapts the stereotypical mannerism, music, dress, and culture of what is perceived as how a person of African Descent is supposed to carry themselves.

(Quick note...as that I have never been to Africa, I am going to assume that originators like Run-D.M.C. didn't get their start back in the villages of that great continent...at least I am pretty confident in that. Oh, this doesn't apply to Hispanics either, cuz, well, they won't be the majority until the middle of this century.)

Now, I have no problem with different cultures adapting and liking things that they traditionally would not have been exposed to. Hell, that's been going on since Chuck Berry created Rock N' Roll, and white folks stole it, flipped it, and created Elvis "The Original W*gger" Presley (of whom I have plenty of his music on the 'pod; I give credit to where credit is due). Folks are folks...we are all born, then we all die.

Sort of how it all works.

But it sort of makes me laugh (if not perturbs me sometimes) when a white kid comes up to me and says "What up, dawg?" as if that is the only language I can possibly understand. Or just because you listen to Hip-Hop, a white kid can say that your friend is "yo' n*gger" (and note, I don't agree with when black folks get mad when white folks use it as a term of endearment; we've got the copyright of continuing that ignorance, and 50 Cent would be worth a quarter if he couldn't use that in his lyrics), but half the time they won't dare date someone of a different race (unless he was dumber than a follicle on George W. Bush's head). Mother And Father Richie Rich-Pants wouldn't take too kindly to their Harvard-bound Son Bobby if he used that at a cocktail reception, now would they?

Now I've noticed that a lot of white girls who follow the culture/music/etc will be more open to dating a black young man (or Hispanic, taking out the Mexicans, the "other white meat") than the white boys with the caps blown to the side by Hurricane-Force winds would date a black girl. Hell, if they like the guy for the guy, and not because they look like T.I., giving them "Whatever You Like" (well, actually mean "They Wanted", but it wouldn't be the correct title of the song) and it's simply to be coo cuz they got the hottest "brutha" in school, that is cool with me. But if they are looking to, say, get pregnant because "mixed babies are so pretty" (I have heard this more than once)...

That's just wrong.

Now, if you are simply more attracted to a White/Black/Hispanic/same sex/HIV-Positive/person with 3 teeth trying to smile person, that is your right in this fine country that we reside in. And it is healthy, in my humble opinion, to keep an open mind about anyone and everyone you meet; if we take the time and learn about each other, perhaps things like hate crimes, or at the very least, ignorance, will go away. That's been my philosophy for over 39 years.

But...and this is for all those 14 to 18 year old's who have the spinning wheels, 15 inch subs blaring major bass and hip hop kinda folks, if you are going to get the "w*igger-notion" a little request from me and other people of color that might get a little irritated by your choice...

1. If you are going to dip into the "Ebonics Dictionary", drop the attempt at supposed "Black" inflections when you use the terms, or in speaking in general. A lot of times you sound like Jim Nabors watching too many episodes of "Good Times", or more recently, HBO's "Oz".

2. White girls, if you get knocked up, please do not say "my baby daddy." That is stereotypically reserved.

3. Fellas, don't walk like you have polio. FDR will come up out of his grave and whoop your ass.

4. Ultimately, just enjoy the culture....actually read about it, learn things, be more accepting.

5. And finally, whatever you do, please don't say "that's my n*gger." While I am sure that most of you mean no harm (as you were taught by the sometimes dumb-assed rapping world that this term is cool to describe a friend; it's about as bad as using the word that rhymes with "runt" for your mother, wife, or sister...well, a sister may fall into that sometimes), some radical brother who thinks Malcolm X is the Messiah will stomp your ass back to the golf course they assume you belong at.
When it comes down to it, my question about "when did white folks stop being white folks" is really silly...I mean, does a Cacasian baby, when born, automatically want to be the evil, "blue-eyed cracker devil", golfing, eggs benedict eating enemy? Does a child of color when born automatically wish to be in the Crips or Bloods (west coast and permeating throughout the country), speak broken English, father (or mother) 92 babies and move their heads in a circular motion (women) when angry? How about Mexicans?
Never mind, they are going to run this country, and I will be old by then...don't want to piss them off.
Ultimately, all this stuff is TAUGHT to someone when they are young...a seed is planted, one if continually watered by ignorance will be next to impossible to grow out.
That is where the "Revolution" comes into play. What was once assume as the way things are with black folks is now "cool", but is assumed as all there is.
Sucks flat boobies with knobs for nipples, I say.

As I depart, two quick personal anecdotes...

I have a friend named "CH" a Caucasian female who is, well, "blacker" than I am. She used to tell me to brush my hair because, while white people may not notice if I decided to skip freshening my appearance, but SHE can. I always thought she was humorous, and would a fine example of "w*ggerness." She lived on the east coast, and she is NOT someone who you would want angry with you (and I am sure when she reads this post, I will need to buy an iron cup for my line and tackles). But she truly has picked up all of the stereotypical mannerisms of a woman of color.

My point concerning her is this...while most times I find her very, very funny (and quite cool people), I guess what bothers me leads me into anecdote No. 2...

Back in college I was a DJ, handling the R&B evening shift for my school on Wednesday Nights. A member of the early version of the "Revolution" (and we ain't talkin' the "Let's Go Crazy" version) called into the station and asked me if I was a white guy, sounding like she just got off the "Oh, No You Didn't" bus. I asked her why she thought that way, and she replied "because you sound white."

This bugged me a little, because my first thought was "just because I can complete a sentence I automatically have to be a white guy?" Anyway, being 21 at the time (and still reeling from the "great breakup" of my life (another blog, another several stiff drinks), I forgot about the comment, and I ended up meeting this girl to see if I could at least reinforce that whole "black guy" stereotype in the privacy of my dorm room.

2 days later I was waiting downstairs for her to show up. She walks in the door, and I was stunned that she was a white girl...in skin color only. Had the Black/Hispanic/East Coast hairstyle of the time, with the clothes, the jewelry, etc. And she swore that using broken English was the cool thing to do. Adapted the "ASSumed" inflection of the voice as well, which set me off...

And made me as ignorant as she was when she called me that night.

At the time, I simply wanted ass (which by the way, after about 2 hours in my room, I am glad I didn't get, because she turned out to be bigger "bait" than what's found on the Fishing Channel).

But in hindsight, I guess the big pet peeve (leaving my aforementioned friend out of this conclusion) is that when these young folk from the Caucasian persuasion pick up this culture, they think that is all we can be, or we cannot evolve beyond Hip-Hop, or gang culture, or "What Up, Dawg?" Personally I could care less if non-blacks picked up on it...if they bothered to look beyond it, and learn about the entire story, and how it works into the grand culture of society.

My boys, as I depart, actually have an interesting choice as they grow up and are influenced by both sides of the coin based on their parents.

Will they be their own men, or fall into "The Revolution?"

Messed up question...as long as they are just one woman's "baby daddy" and they are married, they can rock on or rap-along, or any extreme in-between.

Marble Cake, anyone? That would be "a'ight."


Tug said...

It's even worse when white kids go for the "hood" look in when they live in Idaho. Seriously, what self respecting "gansta" would live in Idaho?! Gah.

P.S. I didn't quite get the "bait" reference? Maybe I'm not as worldly as you thought. :]

grefuture said...

Tug-dude...."bait" is short for "jailbait"...:) Look it up, my good Mormon...:)