About The Funk...

Observational Spittle from the mind of a man of color in his 40s, without the color added (most times). Come in, laugh, and you may learn something...

90 Things That Irritate The Sh** Out Of Me Trailer

Monday, December 22, 2008

A Domain Xmas (more than likely without the "Christ", as that he won't approve of this stuff)

Eh yo.



I wanted to not flood your domes with too many attempts at life's lessons, as that, well, it is the holidays, and the big day is upon us. So, instead of discussing death, race relations, music, relationships, sex, or all the other things that makes up life, I have decided to, instead, put up some fluff to go along with that delicious fruit cake that I'm sure a lot of you will be using to prop up your trailers this season. Enjoy...I'm probably de-blogged till 2009....I hope you and yours enjoy the holiday season, and for those who believe...well, u know what to do...:)

Episode 1
"Twas The Bullshit Before Christmas"
Twas the bullshit before Christmas,
And all through my crib
I was trying to feed the rugrat
But couldn't find the damned bib
Now the 3 year old is bitchin'
Screaming at the top of his lungs
And I sigh to myself
Wishing the semen would of stayed in my hung
It's Christmas Eve
And the tree has been knocked over again
Because My oldest is a dumb ass
He tripped and now the stem's a-bent...in (ok, I screwed up...shut up!)
Anyway...ahem...
I Pull up "NORAD"
So the Santa Lie Can Commence
He falls for that crap
Makin' me Cool like Fiddy Cent
I tell the little half-breed
To go the hell upstairs
So the spouse and I
Can get the presents from the inner lair
The presents are stacked
And we say "Thank The Lord"
Then the nosy zebra child comes down and says
"I'm Bored"
WFT? I whispered
As I pointed towards the stairs
The 6 year old sighs
Saying "Whatever" and disappeared
Finally the kids are snoring
And I am drunk on egg nog
When I hear a loud crash
Like a trailer trash hog
I quickly grab my Glock
About to smoke the fools outside
When I see some crazy white guy
With a red suit on his hide
Thinking it's some drunk
I let off a few shots
El Caucasian Turns Around
With a bunch of drippy snot
I started to laugh
And he did too
I lowered my piece and asked
"What up, dude?"
The blanco had a bag
With Ribbons and Shit
He reached inside
And gave me more than a bit
Some Money, some toys
And a bunch of cool stuff
He winked at me
Then flashed me his muff
This dude was a gal
And and ugly chick at that
"What's the opposite of skinny?" I asked
She sighed and said "fat."
"I came because Santa
Got robbed in LA
I guess wearing red
Ticked off the wrong gang that day."
"So u're Mrs. Claus?"
I asked in amazement
She said yes, sighing
"I must be damned crazy"
So before I said a word,
She whistled real loud
And Rudolph and the others
On my lawn made a crowd
With a fart shaking her left butt cheek
She Leaped into the sleigh
And The reindeer grown
The fat chick did much weigh
As they soared into the sky
And she sailed out of sight
She Said
"This Xmas Jazz is bullshit...where's my dildo and good nite!"
Episode 2:
The Christmas Song (The Domain Version)
Your Nuts roasting, like on an open fire
Syphilis Dripping out your nose
Takings shots for the STD's you've acquired
Muttering "I shouldn't of boned those nasty Ho's"
It's the 5th disease you acquired
And now you won't get any Xmas Nite
Yuletides skanks won't ever light your fire
You won't be getting hard, tonight
You know you're desperate for a lay
The dog is looking good to do this very day
And every mother's child is gonna sigh...
Saying "Hey Momma, that guy has a nasty penis hanging out his fly"
So as you ponder this simple phrase
Since you'll won't get some even if you live to 92
Although you've tried, many drugs, many ways
Merry Syphilis, u're screwed.
Episode 3:
Rudolph Comes out The Closet
Rudolph The Rainbow Reindeer
Like Male Reindeer's Hairy Holes
Even the girls did love him
He wanted a hard thick bone
He had a secret lover
A big buck named Jerome
He took Rudolph to the forest
And took him via the chocolate road
Then one foggy Xmas Eve
Santa Caught them in the act
"Rudolph, I normally don't swing that that
But let me tap it from the back"
So now Santa's A Swinger
And Rudolph's nose is red as hell
So next Xmas eve when you see them
Their Secret to your mom you...can...tell
Finally...
Episode IV:
We Wish You A Merry...Whatever
We Wish You A Merry Christmas
You know what we want to say this
We couldn't get a crap-mas
Cuz We don't give a crap
No Xbox, No Wii
No frickin' money
Can't Find A Damn Job
Let's Shoot the Easter Bunny
(repeat chorus)
I told you mother
She is so fat
Her lunch box is a refrigerator
And I think she ate the cat
(repeat the chorus)
Hey Phil, your kids
They ain't even that cute
Oh By the way, they ain't yours
The Daddy's Name is Beirut
We Wish You A Merry Christmas
Let me bend over so you can kiss this
And go ahead and eat shit
And throw up Miller on the New Year!
Peace and good will...and lucky lottery numbers on Xmas Eve.

1 comment:

~Static~ said...

Positively, deeesgusting. =D