A Domain Xmas (more than likely without the "Christ", as that he won't approve of this stuff)

Eh yo.



I wanted to not flood your domes with too many attempts at life's lessons, as that, well, it is the holidays, and the big day is upon us. So, instead of discussing death, race relations, music, relationships, sex, or all the other things that makes up life, I have decided to, instead, put up some fluff to go along with that delicious fruit cake that I'm sure a lot of you will be using to prop up your trailers this season. Enjoy...I'm probably de-blogged till 2009....I hope you and yours enjoy the holiday season, and for those who believe...well, u know what to do...:)

Episode 1

"Twas The Bullshit Before Christmas"

Twas the bullshit before Christmas,

And all through my crib

I was trying to feed the rugrat

But couldn't find the damned bib

Now the 3 year old is bitchin'

Screaming at the top of his lungs

And I sigh to myself

Wishing the semen would of stayed in my hung

It's Christmas Eve

And the tree has been knocked over again

Because My oldest is a dumb ass

He tripped and now the stem's a-bent...in (ok, I screwed up...shut up!)

Anyway...ahem...

I Pull up "NORAD"

So the Santa Lie Can Commence

He falls for that crap

Makin' me Cool like Fiddy Cent

I tell the little half-breed

To go the hell upstairs

So the spouse and I

Can get the presents from the inner lair

The presents are stacked

And we say "Thank The Lord"

Then the nosy zebra child comes down and says

"I'm Bored"

WFT? I whispered

As I pointed towards the stairs

The 6 year old sighs

Saying "Whatever" and disappeared

Finally the kids are snoring

And I am drunk on egg nog

When I hear a loud crash

Like a trailer trash hog

I quickly grab my Glock

About to smoke the fools outside

When I see some crazy white guy

With a red suit on his hide

Thinking it's some drunk

I let off a few shots

El Caucasian Turns Around

With a bunch of drippy snot

I started to laugh

And he did too

I lowered my piece and asked

"What up, dude?"

The blanco had a bag

With Ribbons and Shit

He reached inside

And gave me more than a bit

Some Money, some toys

And a bunch of cool stuff

He winked at me

Then flashed me his muff

This dude was a gal

And and ugly chick at that

"What's the opposite of skinny?" I asked

She sighed and said "fat."

"I came because Santa

Got robbed in LA

I guess wearing red

Ticked off the wrong gang that day."

"So u're Mrs. Claus?"

I asked in amazement

She said yes, sighing

"I must be damned crazy"

So before I said a word,

She whistled real loud

And Rudolph and the others

On my lawn made a crowd

With a fart shaking her left butt cheek

She Leaped into the sleigh

And The reindeer grown

The fat chick did much weigh

As they soared into the sky

And she sailed out of sight

She Said

"This Xmas Jazz is bullshit...where's my dildo and good nite!"

Episode 2:

The Christmas Song (The Domain Version)

Your Nuts roasting, like on an open fire

Syphilis Dripping out your nose

Takings shots for the STD's you've acquired

Muttering "I shouldn't of boned those nasty Ho's"

It's the 5th disease you acquired

And now you won't get any Xmas Nite

Yuletides skanks won't ever light your fire

You won't be getting hard, tonight

You know you're desperate for a lay

The dog is looking good to do this very day

And every mother's child is gonna sigh...

Saying "Hey Momma, that guy has a nasty penis hanging out his fly"

So as you ponder this simple phrase

Since you'll won't get some even if you live to 92

Although you've tried, many drugs, many ways

Merry Syphilis, u're screwed.

Episode 3:

Rudolph Comes out The Closet

Rudolph The Rainbow Reindeer

Like Male Reindeer's Hairy Holes

Even the girls did love him

He wanted a hard thick bone

He had a secret lover

A big buck named Jerome

He took Rudolph to the forest

And took him via the chocolate road

Then one foggy Xmas Eve

Santa Caught them in the act

"Rudolph, I normally don't swing that that

But let me tap it from the back"

So now Santa's A Swinger

And Rudolph's nose is red as hell

So next Xmas eve when you see them

Their Secret to your mom you...can...tell

Finally...

Episode IV:

We Wish You A Merry...Whatever

We Wish You A Merry Christmas

You know what we want to say this

We couldn't get a crap-mas

Cuz We don't give a crap

No Xbox, No Wii

No frickin' money

Can't Find A Damn Job

Let's Shoot the Easter Bunny

(repeat chorus)

I told you mother

She is so fat

Her lunch box is a refrigerator

And I think she ate the cat

(repeat the chorus)

Hey Phil, your kids

They ain't even that cute

Oh By the way, they ain't yours

The Daddy's Name is Beirut

We Wish You A Merry Christmas

Let me bend over so you can kiss this

And go ahead and eat shit

And throw up Miller on the New Year!

Peace and good will...and lucky lottery numbers on Xmas Eve.