About The Funk...

Observational Spittle from the mind of a man of color in his 40s, without the color added (most times). Come in, laugh, and you may learn something...

90 Things That Irritate The Sh** Out Of Me Trailer

Thursday, December 11, 2008

"It's Nothing Personal"...yeah right, bite me!

"It's Nothing Personal."

One of the weakest excuses in human history.

I was in a store, looking at shit that I can no longer afford (i.e. Best Buy, my haven of electronic orgasmic pleasure...well, "Fry's" is better, but hell, guys orgasms are a dime a dozen anyway...let's move on!) where I hear these other shoppers (and by all of the crap they had in their shopping carts, they have, well, JOBS) talking about someone they knew, and the one guy is like ripping the diarrhea spew out of someone they obviously both knew. The back end of the convo I was not eavesdropping on when like this...

"...well John is like a total jack-off...nothing personal against the guy, but damn!"

OK...lesse...so, he's an hand grasping a penis in a up and down motion, with the hope of causing Mount St. Semen's after several strokes (or a couple for you 2 minute fellows), and his friend/co-worker/whatever follows such a blow with "it's nothing personal."

Hey, jacking off is as personal as one can get, don't ya think?

Being compared to the act is even more so.

People should like, well, have the pubes length to speak their minds, without trying to use such a backhanded apology as "nothing personal."

You just called your boss ass spew....but it's nothing personal.

You said that your wife's crotch smells like rotting flesh in 100 degree heat...but hell, that's nothing personal.

You said that your best friend's mother is so fat she uses a refrigerator for a lunchbox...nah, just constructive criticism due to your concern about her slight obesity problem, right?

C'mon, grow some boobies! (hey, everyone says "grow a pair"; I am thinking outside of the box).

If you are going to be some rude, sticky, yellow sputum, don't hide behind some wanna-be save. Just call it as it is!

Hell, if you think your friend's girlfriend is a raving whore, tell him so!

Your mom's pie tastes like that nasty chick you went down on the weekend before Thanksgiving, leave her a note!

Your girlfriend when she goes down on you gets her braces stuck in her short hairs, slap her on the back of her head to let her know (and, beyond ripping a few of those puppies out, setting her free from the man-bush; explain that to the paramedics, huh?)

Ultimately it just English and society's way to use words to soften what may be the truth. If you don't like someone or something about them, why the hell are you trying to protect their feelings?

I mean, hell...if someone told me that I was a big headed, broke ass, fat-bellied, wanna be writer who just wasn't funny and I should go work at McDonald's, well....

I'd tell them to go screw a light socket with a bucket of KFC and hemorrhoid cream on the side.

Nothing personal, of course.

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