About The Funk...

Observational Spittle from the mind of a man of color in his 40s, without the color added (most times). Come in, laugh, and you may learn something...

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Wednesday, October 10, 2012

The Love Machine

I've been married for 12 years, 5 months, and some amount of days that I cannot count at the moment.

I figured that if I came up with an exact figure, I'd get in trouble with the spouse.

Anywho, I was chatting with a dear friend, who is one of the classier ladies that I have met in my 40 plus years, and I asked her if she was dating anyone, since we haven't spoken in a minute or two.  She shared with me about the horror of a first date she had recently, and after I chuckled for a moment, it made me think about the differences of opinion between men and women when it comes to the opposite sex.

Now, a good number of folks I know are married, have kids (some, such as another long time associate I spoke to recently, who has grown kids and is my age...lucky beeyotch...lol), and others skipped the kids train (double lucky beeyotches with a nice latte).  Some marriages are awesome (long time, still romantic, blah blah blah), while others...well...maybe not so much.

But for my single friends...the ones who I have been lucky enough to hear about their adventures...well, let's just says that is is truly that the sexes are truly from a different planet.

Now, as that I hate stereotypes, please don't take it that I am grouping EVERYONE into one bunch.  This is simply based upon my experiences, so let's leave it at that.

With that said...

...I find that women, well, even if they don't care to admit it, want a mix of that bad boy/prince charming/give me a couple of kids (if that is their inclination) in their lives.  Now, based on how they grew up, they may have formed this image as a little girl, because their parents were good examples of such.  Also, society sort of says to them "I want the big wedding with the awesome cake and cool first song and blah, blah blah."


"You must nail as much ass as possible, and if by some chance some girl actually makes you want to TRY to be a good man and settle down with that one piece of ass, awesome."

Now, as I said, this is just based on my own experience.  My buddy, Erik, has been in a happy marriage for more than 2 decades.  My best friend has been in one for 23 years.  Men can do this.

However, the ladies...

...let's say in your youth, u get down with the FWB deal...I've noticed that as that you are emotional creatures, MOST I have encountered find that gets old fairly quickly.  So you get to a point that, well, u want that awesome relationship.

Problem is, you find more un-popped kernels in the bag than the tasty fluffy ones.

So...and once again, from what I've seen, you end up in one of these types of situations...

1.  U marry the wrong dude...the charming, smooth dude who gives u more shit than a fertilized farm, and then u find out too late he ain't the one..

2.  U end up convinced all men are dogs, and don't trust any of 'em.

I know of several ladies who have found awesome dudes (after a few misteps)so the Loch Ness Monster actually exists.

But for those who may be in # 1...well...I guess I am of the mind that life is too damned short to waste.

I'll leave it at that.

As for the single ladies...a small observation on things, and the dealings with men.

Men are programmed to be relatively simple folk.  Note, I didn't say stupid (even tho men have started, oh, 99% of the wars in the world's history.  However, it was Eve who ate that damned apple...:)  While we got the physical attributes, y'all got the common sense.  If you are of the ones who have been burned by men...hate THOSE men, don't hate all.  Jack A. Ass is the jerk, ain't got nothing to do with Tom B. Sweet who is trying to get you to go to dinner.  I am not saying go in blindly...I am simply saying is that like when you go to bed and wake up, today is a new day, and yesterday is, well, yesterday.

For those single ladies who say "I don't need a man"....ok, fine.  Maybe u need a woman (different licks for different chicks is cool with me).  Or, u'd rather be alone...coolio.  But, I guess I am of the belief that the good Lord/Buddha/Jehovah/Allah/ran out of deity names placed a man and a woman (or whatever your preference) to not spend this small space in history alone.  I guess I find that...sad, cuz unless u were taught (not born) with bitterness and distrust in ur heart, something in this life had to make u that way.

Finally, I am of the belief of finding happy.  I know I may not sound like it at times, but I know that we are all gonna die one of these days.  Each minute is a blessing, even if it is a shitty minute.  For my single friends out there who are still playing the field, enjoy it.  Smile when some loser says "available" which actually means "free penis available." (It's a shame that generally women are just not that desperate; however, they have the market cornered on the one commodity that all men want).  Don't get mad when ur date shows up in sweat pants and talks about his ex wife.  Yes, these people are not for you, but each experience is a teacher.  You have the power...use it, and wield it well.

As for those who found that good guy...APPRECIATE THEM.  Guys won't admit it due to pride, but an occasional "ur pretty friggin' awesome" goes a long way.  Guys, that goes for u 2.  Women, whether they admit it or not, need to be told they are beautiful (even if they are truly looking tore up in the morning). Appreciate it if they do something out of the blue.  And, relationships need to be "watered" (how does that Thompson commercial go..."feed your lawn...feed it!).  I don't accept that just because u've been married for 18 million years that u settle into a groove.  Don't give a shit if u have kids, either.  This is how folks go looking for Burger King because McDonald's didn't come up with a new menu item.  It ain't right...but it is real.

Oh, and for those who may not be where they want to be...don't be afraid to make that change, even if it hurts.  It reminds me of what Erik Arroyo once said to me concerning my writing...

...don't wait until it is too late and say "what if."

Anyway, I gotta get back to my addiction.

Sigh...it's reality shows.

Look, what can I say...I like looking at forced situations where folks make fools of themselves.

Hey, never said I didn't have some bad habits.

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