To My Captain, Oh Captain

Man,  Robin Williams.

It is weird how one can be affected by the sudden passing of someone that you never met.  But you know, I did know Mr. Williams in a way.  Hell, he was an icon, an idol of mine, his totally twisted yet brilliant ways of looking at life making me laugh ever since he called Orson in a spacesuit.

I think the big thing that hits me hardest about his passing (and likely taking of his own life) is that you saw this manic comedian and fantastic actor with a smile on his face.  Oh, and you having a bigger smile on yours as he took you on a roller coaster ride with his humor.  But underneath...man, now that darkness (which had been talked about before) is now coming to light.

Back in college, when I was messed up over my great heartbreak, I tried to kill myself.  Not too many people knew about that; not exactly something you post on Twitter.  My mother and aunt were so freaked out when they heard about it, they drove up 5 hours from NYC to make sure i was all right (after spending quality time overnight in the psycho ward per NYS law).  I never thought of myself as someone who was depressed enough to consider taking my own life.   But life throws you some fucked up curveballs sometimes.  I think that is why I joke around so much, always pushing the envelope, to act as some sort of salve and protection when shit hits the fan.  It also reflects in my writing as well (as if those who have stopped by the domain hasn't noticed...:)

Some 24 years later, while I have had some struggles, I can't think of doing such a thing, as that I have two sons to raise.  But man...I guess when it comes to this particular celebrity passing, it particularly kicks me in the ass...not only for the loss of what I considered pure genius when it came to his craft, but the fact that no matter what you see in someone on the outside, you truly have no idea what is going on inside.

Just because you have it all like Mr. Williams doesn't mean you truly had nothing at all.

Thanks for bringing light in my darkness Mork, Popeye, Peter Pan, Adrian Cronauer, John Keating, Euphegenia Doubtfire, Sean Maguire, Robin McLaurin Williams.