About The Funk...

Observational Spittle from the mind of a man of color in his 40s, without the color added (most times). Come in, laugh, and you may learn something...

90 Things That Irritate The Sh** Out Of Me Trailer

Friday, September 11, 2009

Dizzy Funky Azz Drama Funk

Hmm. The first blog entry of my 40's....perhaps the last.

Who knows...as a person who has dreamt of making a living from my musings, it is somewhat disappointing when, well, no one reads the mofo's. There have been many days where a plethora of subjects flow through my brain like a teen aged boy's semen after 2 minutes of pumping, only to be cut off by the condom of indifference.

It's sort of a bitch, cuz, well, I do like to talk...even if it is via the written word.

However, as that I know that I am odd, tactless, crass, slightly deranged, and too blunt for my own good, methinks that I have driven away the few loyalists that I once THOUGHT I had for this blog.

The tag line for this bitch is "Grub for your mind."

I ponder if my cooking has either gotten stale, overcooked, or, wasn't very good in the first place.

This forum, one among the millions around the world, was sort of an escape for moi; somewhere where I can forget the crumbling accomplishments of what I thought were a pretty decent existence.

A great spouse...well, that is still there, but her hope dwindles like the Detroit Lion's chances of being competitive.

2 boys...a 7 year year genius in the making who I see being the scared, non-confident wuss is father once was...and at times still is. The other a 3 year old child who is developmentally delayed, but is smart as hell...except when he walks through the doors of restaurants, and becomes a psycho hose beast who can't stop screaming at the top of his lungs.

To go from being what I thought was partially successful to nearly being homeless.

Hmm....ok, I have to change this record....don't like "pity the poor Negro" album cuts...where the hell is my "Purple Rain" LP? Wait a second...gotta line the needle up just right...there we go....

"Dearly Beloved...we're gathered here to kick G. Eric in the ass...."

Whew....ok, much better.

Anywho, I wanted to make a few observations that I've noticed during the past, oh, 21 + months....if you don't care to read this, please skip down and select a musical selection in your head and ignore my rambling man-like bull jizms....

1. I've decided that today's generation of kids just don't respond well to punishment. My child, even if you take away his music player, video games, or the right to live, still finds something to do with his imagination. As that parent can no longer whup a kid's candy ass anymore w/o facing the wrath of the authorities, someone needs to come up with an invention to deter kids. I am going with a little cattle-prod for a boy's penis, where the parents keep the level of discomfort in they key fobs. For the girls, especially after the age of 12 (better know as when the bitches lose their friggin' minds) there should be something that we can implant where the parent can control the menstrual flow, and then make them wear white pants to school. Then, you hit the "overflow" button and c if they disobey you again.

2. Barack Obama is headed towards Jimmy Carter "I am going to be whupped by a Republican worse than a scene in an S&M skin flick come 2012" one term city, folks. Black folks, I, as a member, understand that y'all was happy when we finally "got one in", but, as you can read in a 2008 blog, I was concerned about the experience factor. Now, based on bad cabinet choices, a health care plan, that, while I haven't read all of it, is frankly making me nervous (how the hell are you gonna tell folks you HAVE to purchase health care? Some people can't purchase, well, shit, FOOD), I think the white folks (and the Latinos; can't say Hispanic, cuz I got corrected on that this week) are gonna say, "Hey, we gave the homeboy a chance, but now we need to put a chick in there, and c if we can policy in before those damned 28 days roll over." Just don't let it be Sarah Palin or Bobby Jindal (even tho my bet is Huckabee, for now)....now, if u could get that Lisa Ann from "Whose Naylin Paylin" chick, I might actually go vote.

(Note: You guys did read the warning before you entered the site, right?)

3. I told my son that if you are lucky to have a couple of lifelong friends, you only need to hire a few folks before you croak to carry your casket to your hole. I had an uncle who passed away last week, and due to lack of employment/funds, I couldn't go. From what I heard, it was like a rock star passed away, with standing room only at his funeral service this week. Sadly, I was almost jealous of a dead man, cuz 'bout only way I will fill a church when it's my turn to say adieu if it is in the hood and its the first of the month (get up get up get up, wake up wake up wake up....name the song!). I have plenty of associates, but very few friends who either tolerate or actually like my blunt, off kilter behind. Sort of kills the weekends, as that their hundreds of miles (and 1 kid too many to actually have a social life) away.

4. You know that old saying that opinions are like...well, that area on/in the body where the sphincter hangs out? I have come to the conclusion that none of us are ever truly right. Ain't possible (like world peace). Opinions are our life experiences, and, well, we all think we're right. I asked a few folks on Facebook about who they think is the greatest rapper/MC of all time, and the white folks (OK, ONE White Folk) came up with 2Pac. A relative mentioned Rakim from the legendary duo Eric B. & Rakim. Both valid opinions...but ultimately, no one can be right. Ultimately, being right requires facts, and, well, there's no way to truly prove who is better, or, well, if your friend tells you that the guy u're sleeping with isn't right for you, or if NY Pizza is better than Chicago pizza...

...wait, screw that, NY Pizza is better...

But that's my opinion.

Anyways, I don't know if and when I'll return with another bit of grub for your digestion...but, if you like, encouragement is a good motivator...as well as money.

Please make our your checks (or coupons for national chains of restaurants, as that I can't stand to eat anything I cook) to.....

1 comment:

sahm3k said...

Good stuff...keep it coming...(insert pervy joke here).